am i imagining this?

In December 2014 I had my first subtle energy experience at a workshop.  My skeptic mind questioned what I was feeling physically.  Was it real? Am I imagining this?  “That was weird” were the only words that I could use to explain what was happening.    You may be asking what does she mean by subtle energy and energy healing?  Let tell you what happened that December.  It was going to be my first holiday season without my husband Bill, who had died in an accident that June.  I was struggling being in Chicago alone when I received an email about a 3-day workshop in Los Angeles with Deborah King and special guest James Van Praagh.  Based on the description below, I thought this would be a good excuse to get out of town.  

“In this exciting, experiential workshop setting, Deborah will lead guests on a transformational journey by summoning spirit guides to ignite deep emotional healing and relief. Building on practical techniques outlined in her bestselling books and popular blogs, Deborah will empower each person with the tools they need to experience profound personal healing. Next, James Van Praagh will help establish personal contact with loved ones from the other side. This synergistic partnership will provide an invigorating, life-affirming launch for the upcoming holiday season.”



I didn’t know much about Deborah King other than she was a Hay House author.  I decided that I could use a distraction from the pain and sadness, so I hopped on a plane and headed to LA.  Maybe James will help me get into contact with Bill, I hoped. 

On the way to the workshop, I had several coincidences that reminded me that Bill was with me.  There was the gate number, a standby passenger name and seat assignment that all had references to Bill that were unique to him.  At this stage of my soul journey, I wasn’t sure if I was making up these coincidences, but my heart wanted to believe.  Since it didn’t hurt anybody, I imagined that it was Bill trying to let me know that he was with me. 


The workshop started with Deborah calling someone  from the audience on stage with her.  She would ask them what was going on with them, such as health issues, past emotional traumas, or grief.  She would waive her hands around their body and relay back to them some deeper understanding of their issues, both known and unknown to them.  I sat in the audience in total disbelief and thought it was a bunch of bull.  Those 3 days felt like the left and right sides of my brain weren’t getting along.  On that first day of the workshop, I just didn’t get it, but the experience was serving its purpose of distracting me from my holiday grief, so I stayed with it.  When James came in, he was filled with energy and did an exercise to help us connect with lost loved ones.  I was able to connect with Bill in a way that made me question, am I imagining this?  I wanted to believe and yet I disbelieved at the same time. I wanted tested and re-tested the exercise to know it wasn’t imagined.  

On the third day of the workshop, Deborah had someone on stage with her that had suffered with illness throughout her life and confessed that the only time she felt love was when she was sick.  Deborah began to move energy and the room dropped in temperature rather dramatically.  Next people, including myself, began to gag.  Deborah then called upon other students to assist her as she pulled some heavy energy out of this woman.  I felt all this happening and again I questioned my experience.  Yet, that was the moment when I started to develop sensitivities to different energies.  It has taken me several years from that point to begin to understand what I experienced and to move beyond questioning if I am imagining something. My intuitive muscle was getting stronger by understanding subtle energy and energy healing.  


The soul shape muscle of intuition is about learning to trust that what you are experiencing is subtle energy.  In my experience intuition comes from listening and/or interpreting subtle energy impulses.  Subtle energy doesn’t have a formal definition among spiritualists and scientists, but both agree that this energy can’t be (at least today), not seen with the naked eye and often not subject to replication.  Some people have referenced it as qi or prana or similar understandings.  For me it can be as simple as when we get chills and goosebumps and don’t know why.  Many people are familiar with the Nikola Tesla’s quote that when it comes to describing the secret of the universe is to “think in terms of energy, frequency, and vibration.”  Yet despite this knowledge, we still somehow doubt our subtle energy experiences. 

It would be impossible for me to cover the topic of subtle energy in one blog post.  My intention is simply to share that moment when I could intuitively trust that what I was experiencing was real and not attempt to explain it away.  One scholarly article I read described that there is a perceptual and conceptual divide between people who sense subtle energy and those who do not.  Listening to my intuition and remaining open-minded allowed me to cross that divide in that first workshop in December, a weekend that changed my life.  For every person that experience will be different, however I hope you listen to your intuition and allow yourself the gift of knowing and trusting that what you are experiencing is real. 

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