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ditch the "shoulds"

Sometimes we experience themes in our lives and call them synchronicities.  We can take notice of these trends and reflect, dismiss them as coincidence, or we may never even notice them at all.  This blog entry departs slightly from sharing about the creation of souljym.  This entry will discuss a series of events that illuminated one of these themes and impacted my internal dialog and my view towards others.

Recently, the word “should” came up in a multitude of ways.  It was a topic in a workshop I attended, then it was part of a Facebook live chat, and later in a discussion of someone else’s expectation of what I “should” have done instead of what I chose to do.  I’d call that a theme because it all happened within 24 hours of each other.  Coincidence?  I think not. 

Should is a word that that creates a template for reality.  It is a part of our lives; “we should get good grades,” “we should go to college,” “we should get married,” “we should have kids” and so on.   It is like we are on a hamster wheel of repeating history over and over.   Should also disguises itself in other ways; in demands, “I must be understood,” or in will be, “I will be a world renown dancer.”  The word “should” limits you to an idealization of an outcome.  I should watch my diet so I will lose weight is a common “should” with an expected outcome. 

But what if we ditched the should?  It sounds liberating and it feels liberating but can we really? Ditching the should opens you up to possibility.  What might be experienced if we didn’t limit ourselves to what we should do?  Welcome to the unknown without expected outcomes or templates.  It feels wonky and less certain but isn’t that where we can create a new history and break free from the known?   Dr. Joe Dispenza teaches about a creating a new history when he teaches his students to be no body, no one, no thing, no where, in no time – no should in his teaching.  When you are without a prescribed outcome, you experience limitlessness. 

I am ditching the should as I build the soul jym.  I got a lot of “should” advice, like “you should start small and grow” or the negative should, “You shouldn’t use your own money” just to name a few. Can you hear the fear and lack that comes out in those “shoulds”?  It’s very clear that fear of a prescribed outcome puts limitation on what might or can be accomplished.  I have grand ideas for souljym that if I started small wouldn’t capture the essence of souljym.  Why ask others to invest in my dream if I don’t believe enough to invest in it myself. 


I admit, it is not always easy to ditch because it is so programed.  We want to feel safe.  We want certainty. We want a prescription of what is likely to happen.  Like I said it’s wonky.  I had moments of self-doubt when I didn’t choose the “should” path.  Like, I should have gotten another executive job so I would have better security than I have today starting a new business.  I had those doubts in the early days until I realized this is what I really want to do.  But if I had listened to the “should”, souljym may never have been developed and on its way opening its doors.  I would have denied myself the opportunity to dream and be free.

The “should” path has reason, rationale or consequences if not chosen.   Some of those consequences seem unappealing (like I should pay my taxes because I don’t want to go to jail).   Ugh…the consequences of some “shoulds” almost force a choice of compliance, but it is still a choice of choosing the less desirable thing.  Choice has freedom than doing something because you should do it.

When I have moments of freedom, I am allowing myself to dream, build and create souljym where people can experience a life without “should.”  My only dream or intention for the membership is for everyone to be free to explore, expand your thoughts, and reach a level of love and joy unknown to you today.   I am not telling you, “you should,” experience what I envision for you.  The design of souljym allows you to self-direct your soul shape workout according to your beliefs, desires, or dare say shoulds (like I should meditate…I’m being funny).  But seriously, it is making the point don’t meditate unless you choose to do so.

Join me in ditching the should and let’s venture into the unknown together.  Choose what you want do instead of what you should do and enjoy the freedom.  Watch when you use it when you talk to yourself or about others.  I invite you to comment on this one.  What “should” are your holding on to that you would like to ditch?

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