wait I am not worthy?!?
I didn’t know I had embarked on a soul journey until I was knee-deep in it. I had only wanted to get through my grief, the pain and heartache of losing Bill. I had so many white-knuckle days where I was just trying to find a reason to stay here and not follow Bill. Too many to count really. To help me cope I had my therapy sessions where I sat and cried for an hour. The hour where I didn’t have to put up any pretense that I was doing okay.
In addition to therapy, I booked sessions with psychics and mediums. The first year, I wanted to receive messages from Bill. During the readings I would also ask about my career and where I was going to live. I didn’t want to be alone in Chicago and was feeling dissatisfied with my current job. This is where it got interesting, these mediums all described that I was going to invent something, lead a business, and that it was going to help people. What?!?!?
The first few times I heard of this potential, I thought they were crazy. I was nearing 50, in pain, just trying to find reasons not to die, not enjoying life, and certainly without the energy to take on starting a business. I was skeptical of these readings. I only wanted to know where to move because I wasn’t planning to stay in Chicago once my lease was up. Instead I ended up with so much more, a journey and lesson in self-worth.
I continued every few months booking a reading. Because I was in so much pain and couldn’t imagine beyond getting through the day, I used these sessions as a vision for a possible future. But I kept getting the same message, each time grander than the previous reading. I never prompted or shared a previous reading with the current reader. In fact, wasn’t interested in this future potential. I would share these readings with my friends because I could not believe what I was hearing. I had readings with known and not so known mediums, including Robert Ohotto, Lisa Williams, Sandra Taylor, and Sonia Choquette. It almost became a mission to find the one medium that would tell me something different. It became my own experiment and found it so interesting the consistency of each message and reading.
Believe in your infinite potential. Your only limitations are those you set upon yourself -Roy T Bennett
Here comes the lesson which you may have already picked up on. When I first heard of this potential for my life, I only saw and felt my limitations with my age and emotional state. As I began to heal from the grief, I continued to get readings and heard the same message. In a moment of contemplation and discussion with the universe, I said. “I don’t know what I am supposed to do, but I hope that I am worthy.”
Then in an instant moment of reflection, did I just say, ‘I hope I am worthy’ ? That caught me by surprise. I never thought I had a worthiness issue. I am a woman who was part of the generation of women that tackled glass ceilings, broken female stereotypes and became a mentor to younger women. In all those years, I knew I was worthy to present in the boardroom and argue in the courtroom. But when I was told that I was going to invent something that was going to help people and change the world. I stopped and questioned myself.
This was an Oprah ah-ha moment. For context, this moment occurred about 6-month prior to inventing the concept of Souljym. Why did I not feel I could invent something that would help people. Was it my age? Did I not view myself as an inventor? What was the limitation that prevented me from seeing myself doing what these mediums had seen me doing? Why couldn’t I see myself in that role?
This sparked me. I became free of the limitations that I used by allowing myself to start dreaming and envisioning myself without limitations. I realized they were just self-inflicted beliefs. I am creative. I have always been able to make connections with different thoughts and patterns. These attributes helped in creating Souljym and the idea of soul muscles. From this personal experience, self-worth became one of those muscles. This freedom allowed me to not only invent Souljym but to have the confidence to build it. I have grand ideas for Souljym with a vision that is limitless.
If I suddenly told you that you were going to change the world would you question your worthiness to do so? If you answered yes, would you be able to tell me why you wouldn’t be chosen to change the world? Hopefully my personal lesson has inspired you to look at what limitations you have advocated for yourself. Sit with that and really be with your answer. It is not so easy to unravel.
When you stop yourself from doing something, is it because of a belief about yourself of what you are not? For example, are you telling yourself, as I did, “I can’t be an inventor, I am not an inventor, what would I invent anyway?” You are just as awesome as I am. You easily could have received the same messages from spirit as I did. You are just as worthy as I am to receive this message. I believe that you being you changes the world.